Wednesday, May 5, 2010

No more uniform, no more car

It's official, the higher ups of the department now know that I'm expecting a little one this winter. I turned in my patrol car and hung up my uniforms for the year. It's kind of bittersweet because I was hoping to get some pullovers in and some play time on the road this summer. I know, I know, I've been wanting a baby for almost two years so why would I be upset!?! Well, I'm afraid that the last time I put on a uniform was the day before I told the "world" I was pregnant, I'm afraid that there won't be another time I'll get in a uniform. I'm not sure what I'll do after I have the baby. I'm not ready to leave the department, but I'm not going to want to go back to the road with a newborn and a three year old either.
It sure is different driving The Beast to work each day and wearing khakis and shirts. Nobody knows that I'm a police officer when I'm not in uniform. I like being incognito. I know it's still super early, but I have faith that this little one will be just as healthy as Lawson was when I was pregnant with him.
I'm not sure yet what we'll do in regards to our home. Ultimately, we didn't want to have two children there but we may not have another option. The housing market is barely coming back up and I'm not sure even then that it'll get sold. I'd love to sell it and get into something bigger by the time the baby comes I just don't know if it's feasible. The extra bedroom right now is Lawson's toy room and the closet in there is our storage. I'd have to move a lot of Lawson's toys out to make room for a crib, a new chest of drawers, a new dresser. Ugh, so much to do. Again, it's all we've wanted for years but now it is here and we don't know what to do. Mom says we can just put a crib in the room and everything will be fine. But what about the closet space? The tons of clothes the baby will have? The storage of diapers and all other essentials we'll need?
I'll just continue to say a prayer each night and ask for guidance.

Monday, May 3, 2010

Pinch me, please!

Once again, God blesses us with another bundle of joy for me to love and to carry. I find out last week, after trying for almost two years that we're expecting another little one in December. It's true that once you quit trying, it'll happen. I wish I could just listen to everyone else's advise last year and not get so upset at what wasn't happening then. I appreciate all that I have but the one thing that I didn't have (another baby) was hardening me to my core. I was genuinely upset every month when Aunt Flo came to visit.
After a year of trying on our own, we went to the doctor. After several months of testing and medicines, the doctor couldn't give us a logical reason as to why we weren't getting pregnant again. It was in February when we decided to stop the medications and hold off on "trying" until the fall.
We have a cruise planned at the end of May and I'll be going to Brazil in July with my family. It was the middle of April and I didn't even know if I had ovulated or if I was even able to get pregnant again. All of the doctor's information pointed to "yes you can" but for some reason it wasn't happening.
When Day 31 came and Aunt Flo hadn't started yet, I was talking with one of my best girlfriends about it. When I was on the medicine, starting on Day 31 was not uncommon. However, since I had been off of the medication a few months, my new "normal" was back to 26-28 days. So on Day 31, my friend suggested I take a test, saying that she would just HAVE to know.
So that night, I went home, Ryall had been working a part time all day and hadn't slept at all since the afternoon before. He was trying to get some sleep so he could go back to shift that night and I was taking care of Lawson. I decided that I would take one of those cheapo tests to see what results I got. I've never been a patient person and this was just eating at me! Well, what do ya know!?!? There was the faintest of lines, I was in such shock that I questioned if it were true. I know, I know, if there's ANY line at all on a pregnancy test, it's positive. But once you've been trying for as long as we had, I didn't believe my eyes.
After talking to a few girl friends and getting the initial congratulations (while Ryall was sleeping), I loaded Lawson up to go to the grocery strore to get a digital test. I wanted something to give the definitive "yes" or "no".
So, We walked around Kroger and got Lawson a few things before going to the cabinet with the condoms and pregnancy tests in them. I asked the girl behind the counter at the pharmacy to unlock the cabinet for me. She did and as I was reaching in, Lawson said, "pink, Mommy" (the box was pink). I told him that this was a test that mommy was going to take to see if there was a baby in my belly. Of course, he didn't understand what I was saying at the time, but it was precious nonetheless.
I talked to a friend, Cassie, who is a nurse and she suggested that I try and wait as long as possible before I took the other test. Again, I'm not a patient person so I knew I wouldn't be able to hold out until the morning. Ryall had told me to wake him up at 900pm so he could get ready for work. At about 845pm, I decided I couldn't take it any longer and was just going to take the test.
The digital test that I got was like a ticking time bomb. You had to take it out of the box, wait for the clock to stop flashing and be solid, hold the screen outwards, urinate and then lay it flat on the counter. All of that was easy to follow directions. It was once it was sitting on the counter that the clock started flashing again, letting the urine soak in and sealing my fate. That was the longest 30 seconds I've had to endure in a long time. The next thing that popped up on the test was "YES". Holy cow!! I had to look at it several times to see if I wasn't just lying to myself and it was indeed positive.
I immediately went into our bedroom to tell Ryall. He was asleep and the room was dark and I couldn't tell which way he was facing while in bed. I rubbed his shoulder for a second and said "Baby". He kind of rolled over and moaned, then I said "Baby, we're going to have a baby!" He JUMPED up out of bed and just held me. We are both in such awe still and need to be pinched!
What an amazing journey we are about to embark on again, with our bundle arriving December 2010.